Half Bad: A Reverse Harem Goddess Romance (Godhunter Book 31) Read online

  “How late did he stay?” Blue asked.

  “He's still here. Why?”

  “There was an attack just a few hours ago,” Blue explained, then gave me a pointed look. “I believe that exonerates him, Vervain.”

  I nodded. “And we're looking for a man so that leaves out the three goddesses. The Aztecs are cleared.” I frowned pensively, then asked Quetzalcoatl, “What about the Maya serpent gods? Can you tell me anything about them?”

  “The Maya can be trickier,” Quetzalcoatl admitted. “If I had to choose one of them, Hapikern, the World Serpent, would be the most likely to do something like this. He's the most foul-tempered of the bunch but he, like Chihuacoatl, hasn't left this realm in many years. He doesn't like the Human Realm or its inhabitants.”

  “What about the other serpent gods?” Viper asked.

  “There are two others: Ix-Tub-Tun and Och-Kan. Neither are prone to violence. Ix-Tub-Tun is known for spitting gems—a fascinating but decidedly non-violent magic, while Och-Kan is a teacher. He guides shamans. He, unlike Hapikern, likes humans.”

  “So, we should look into Hapikern and see if we can confirm that he hasn't left the God Realm,” I concluded.

  “Before you go after Hapikern, may I ask what other information you have about the snake who attacked the humans?”

  “He attacks at night and our witness said he looked Mexican in his human form,” I offered. “Of course, it was dark, he was scared, and witness accounts aren't the most reliable. But I think it's safe to say that he saw a snake turn into a dark-skinned man.”

  “And the snake?” Quetzalcoatl asked. “What did he look like?”

  “Big and green.”

  Quetzalcoatl frowned, then glanced at Viper. “What do you look like in snake form?”

  Viper went still. “Big and green.”

  Quetzalcoatl lifted an orange eyebrow at Blue.

  “It can't be Viper,” I protested before they followed that line of reasoning. “He was with me last night.”

  “Then I'm out of suggestions because Hapikern is an indigo snake,” Quetzalcoatl declared. “He is not your murderer.”

  “What about the other two?” Viper asked.

  Quetzalcoatl grimaced and grudgingly admitted, “Och-Kan is pale green in snake form. But he would never attack humans. I would bet my immortality on it.”

  “We'll take that into account, but we need to investigate him since he's our only lead.”

  “It will be a waste of effort, but I understand.”

  “I made a lot of mistakes in my early days because I didn't know there were good gods but these days, I have a lot of help and we always gather evidence before hunting a god. I promise you that we won't go after Och-Kan without cause.”

  “I appreciate that and will hold you to your promise.”

  “Thank you so much for your help, Quetzalcoatl.” I held my hand out to him again. “It was a great pleasure to meet you.”

  Quetzalcoatl smiled, back to his gentle self, and shook my hand. “You are exactly what I expected, Vervain.”

  I blinked in surprise. “You know what? You're the first god to say that to me.”

  He grinned wider. “Well, I've heard a lot about you.”

  “I've read a lot about you but it still didn't prepare me for the magnificent sight of you in flight.”

  He chuckled. “I'm sure you're just as impressive in your dragon form.”

  I shook my head. “I don't have feathers.”

  “But you have wings, yes?”

  “Yes, those I have.”

  Quetzalcoatl sighed. “I've always wanted wings.”

  “Even flying feathered serpents have dreams,” I said softly, with a hint of wonder.

  “Flight doesn't stop us from dreaming, it only allows us to dream higher.” Quetzalcoatl bowed to me. “I hope we will meet again, Vervain.”

  “I'd like that very much, Quetzalcoatl.”

  Chapter Six

  “Where is everyone?” I asked as I stepped out of the tracing room in Pride Palace.

  “Mommy's home!” Lesya came running in from the veranda, her baby brother toddling after her.

  “I am!” I declared as I bent to hug them both. “How are my babies?”

  “Good,” they said together.

  My son, Vero, had been a quiet, almost solemn baby, but he was quickly finding his voice now that he could form words. He had been born just a few months before I made Viper and that fact was so unnerving that I tried not to think about it. But even though Vero had just made a year, his Froekn genes had sped up his maturation, just as Lesya's Intare genes had done for her. Vero was walking and talking like a child a few years older.

  I kissed his head, right over his dark curls, which were a shade lighter than Lesya's glossy black but an exact match to Trevor's hair. In fact, most of Vero was a miniature version of his father. The same could be said for Lesya and her father—she got a lot of her looks from Kirill—but I could see myself in both children now that they were getting older.

  “Daddy said to tell you they went to visit Uncle Austin,” Lesya declared.

  “Who went?” I asked suspiciously.

  “Everyone,” Vero said solemnly then ruined it by giggling.

  “Is that right?” I asked as I tickled them.

  The children shouted and ran away, back toward the veranda. I chased them out, Blue and Viper on my heels, and found my friend Samantha sitting on a Victoria settee with Eztli. Zariel, Sam's daughter, was nearby, building a fort with Legos.

  I hate Legos as I would an arch-nemesis.

  Those damn things are sharp! Especially when you step on one and once you give your child a set of them, you are nearly guaranteed to receive a foot injury in your future. They're even worse than plastic doll furniture. And—as it goes with every annoying toy—my children love them. They can't get enough of them. Whoever invented those things is a monster. My only comfort was that I didn't have to pay their exorbitant prices only to be tortured by them. It was bad enough that they sold such deadly toys but to charge what they did for them was utterly Machiavellian.

  I glared at the Legos (they had a stupid name too), trying to figure out a way to use my territory magic—a magic that can transform things in my territory into whatever I wanted them to be—to reshape the Legos to be less deadly. I had made them after all—it's why I didn't have to buy them—so I should be able to make improvements. You may be thinking it was my own damn fault if I'd made them, but I had no idea of how vile they were at the time. If I had, I would never have blithely handed them over to my babies.

  “Vervain?” Sam asked when I didn't speak immediately.

  “Sorry.” I blinked away my Lego issues. “Did the entire God Squad go to Texas?”

  “All except for Eztli,” Sam confirmed with a glance at the vampire goddess. “It was Kirill's idea. He said that since Austin had the day off, they should be down there, learning about the area, instead of wasting time, sitting here, waiting on you.”

  “I see,” I said in a tone that made clear that I was going to have a few words with Kirill. “Thank you for watching the kids.”

  “You know I don't mind.” Sam waved it away. “If you want to head over and meet up with them, go ahead; we're good here.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it,” I said sincerely.

  “We're building a fortress,” Vero said as he plopped down beside Zariel, miraculously missing the stray Legos. “This is my wall.” He tapped a plastic rectangle of bricks.

  “Okay, just be sure to put all of the pieces away when you're done,” I said sternly. “All of them.”

  “Yes, Mommy,” two voices said.

  A third voice added, “Yes, Aunty V.”

  “And don't stay up too late. Your bedtime is pretty soon.”

  All three children pouted.

  “Which is another reason why I don't mind watching them,” Sam said with a grin. “In fact, I think we should go upstairs in a few minutes and get ready for bed.”


  “Aw!” The kids whined.

  “Once you're in your PJs, you can watch a movie,” Sam offered.

  They brightened up at that and started cleaning up the Legos.

  “Thanks again,” I said to Samantha. Then I looked at Eztli and Blue. “Are you two going to join us?”

  Blue shook his head. “I'm going to try to get in touch with Och-Kan. I'll text if I find him.”

  “Thanks, Blue.” I gave him and Eztli a wave as they headed toward the tracing room together. Then I bent to kiss my kids one more time. “I'll see you two later tonight, but you had better be sleeping by then. Be good for Aunty Sam.”

  “Okay, Mama,” Lesya and Vero agreed.

  I went back inside with Viper and opened the door to the tracing chamber. We'd installed the door after Lesya had learned how to trace. We didn't want her running off on her own so we had to find a way to keep her out while letting everyone else through. Odin came up with the solution: a door with a spell that recognized the age of whoever touched the handle. It only allowed people over eighteen to enter.

  Viper and I traced to Austin's house and were about to knock on his front door when we heard voices coming from the backyard. We ventured around the side of the house and found a party. Gods sprawled in the sun on lawn chairs and sat at the picnic table with beers in hand and satisfied looks on their faces. I spied a pile of takeout containers in a loose garbage bag near Austin's drink cooler and noted the smudges of barbecue sauce. One whiff and I knew where they'd gone. It was still morning there but the line starts forming at 7 AM for Snow's BBQ.

  “You had Snow's without me?” I nearly roared.

  The happy conversations stopped and everyone turned to stare at me with startled eyes.

  “Ah, shit,” Austin murmured. “Her eyes are all fiery again. That's bad, right?”

  “Da, it's bad,” Kirill said as he stood up. “Austin vas going to show us around town, but he said since ve'd come so early, ve might as vell get Snow's.” He approached me with his hands out to his sides like he would a dangerous animal. “Ve came back here to eat.”

  “I cannot believe you got barbecue—that barbecue—without me,” I snarled.

  Kirill reached the picnic table and picked up two foam containers. “Ve bought a plate for both of you. Ve have some for Blue and Eztli too. Vhere are zey?”

  “They went to check on a lead,” I said absently as I snatched the top plate. “Thank you, you beautiful, sexy man. I'm starving!”

  “No kidding,” Kirill muttered as I swept past him and slid onto the end of a bench at the picnic table.

  “Thanks.” Viper took his plate less savagely. “Does this mean there are two extra plates up for grabs?”

  The other gods shared considering looks, then shifted those stare to the extra plates of barbecue in the center of the picnic table.

  “I think you may have to fight for them,” Morpheus noted.

  “I'm good with that.” Viper climbed onto the bench beside me.

  “No fighting,” I lifted my head from my food briefly to growl. “Share.” Then I went back to stuffing my face.

  “Sweet Jesus, Vervain,” Austin declared as he watched me tear into a hunk of brisket. “Chew.”

  “I am chewing,” I snapped.

  “Okay.” He held up his hands in surrender. “Did you guys find out anythin'? You said some'n about a lead?”

  I grunted, leaving Viper to explain.

  “It can't be any of the Aztec snake gods; they're either the wrong sex or had an alibi for last night,” Viper reported, then sucked sauce off his finger.

  I eyed his other sauce-covered fingers hungrily and he moved them out of biting range.

  “Anyway, going by the description of a green snake”—Viper gave me a wary look—“the only one it could be is this Maya god named Och-Kan, but Quetzalcoatl doesn't think it's him.”

  “And why is that?” Trevor asked.

  “He's some kind of spiritual guy.” Viper shrugged. “He teaches shamans. Or he's a snake shaman; I'm not sure.”

  “I'm familiar with him,” Odin said. “I agree with Quetzalcoatl; I don't think it's Och-Kan.”

  “Well, Blue is going to try to find him,” Viper said. “Until then, we should just keep a watch on Lexington.”

  “I can't have you guys walkin' around my town at night,” Austin protested. “People here are more nervous than a fly in a glue pot. If they see a bunch of strangers roamin' their streets, the guns are gonna come out.”

  “Zey von't see us.” Kirill went invisible to demonstrate.

  Austin blinked. “Right. Magic. Forgot 'bout that.”

  “You'll get used to it,” Torrent said brightly. “You're handling it well so far.”

  “Thanks.” Then Austin looked over at me. “Hey, how are the kids?”

  The mention of my children coaxed me out of my feral food state. I lifted my head and politely said, “They're good. Thank you for asking.”

  “There's my wife,” Re said in relief. “I thought we'd lost you, La-La.”

  “It's barbecue, I'm hungry, and I have three beasts inside me,” I huffed.

  “Fair enough.” Re chuckled. “So, we're patrolling like humans tonight?”

  “You got another suggestion?” Thor countered.

  “Yes, I do.” Re grinned and looked pointedly at Odin.

  “Santa TV!” I declared.

  Odin groaned.

  “What is Santa TV?” Austin asked.

  “It's called Hlidskjalf,” Odin corrected. “It's a device I use to see anywhere on the planet. Anywhere or anyone.”

  “He sees you when your sleeping. He knows when you're awake,” I sang.

  “That's kinda creepy,” Austin murmured.

  “I don't spend all day up there, watching people like some kind of pervert,” Odin growled. “I use it in times of need.”

  “Like when we have to keep an eye on an entire town,” Thor said. “Good idea, Re.”

  “Thank you.” Re straightened.

  “I'll go to Valaskjalf and monitor the streets while the rest of you wait here for my instruction,” Odin suggested. “I can relay the information straight to Vervain.”

  The restriction of strong wards on our bond didn't seem to matter when those wards were cast by one of us. I should be able to hear Odin just fine even when he was speaking to me from Asgard.

  “You can always text one of us too,” Trevor reminded him. “Either way, it sounds like a good plan.”

  “Eyes in the sky,” Austin noted. “It'll be like having a helicopter flying over the town.”

  “More like a satellite,” Odin corrected smugly. “I can focus in on details.”

  “This god picked the wrong town to fuck with,” Hades declared.

  I turned to look at Hades in surprise. The Lord of the Underworld isn't usually one for foul language. Frankly, he doesn't need it. Simply removing his sunglasses is enough to intimidate most people.

  “That was so sexy, hot stuff,” Persephone, Hades' wife, whispered as she leaned in to kiss him.

  Hades put an arm around his fresh-faced bride and proceeded to make out with her. The fact that she was seated on his lap made the maneuver easier. And the fact that he was seated on a wooden lawn chair, as opposed to one of the plastic ones, made it safer. With the way they started going at it, a plastic chair would have crumpled.

  Karni Mata, the Hindu Goddess of Rats, cleared her throat. It had no effect on the King and Queen of the Greek Underworld.

  Karni's boyfriend, Teharon of the Mohawks, who didn't have a mohawk at all, tried next. “Hades? Um, excuse me?”

  “Hmm?” Hades murmured without pulling his mouth away from his wife's.

  “Whoa, okay, that was some serious tongue,” Torrent noted as he looked away.

  “Allow me,” Pan declared as he sauntered over to the couple.

  Pan pulled out his cellphone and hit the record button. The small beep that announced the recording mode was all it took to stop the wanton d
isplay. Hades jerked back as if we'd thrown water on him and glared at Pan.

  Persephone looked over her shoulder to ask in horror, “Are you filming us?”

  “Well, if you're going to put on a show, I might as well make some money off it.” Pan shrugged.