Half Bad: A Reverse Harem Goddess Romance (Godhunter Book 31) Read online

  “One or two a year. That's in the entire state,” Austin said. “Most times when a snake bites, it's dry—no venom—so even getting' bit by a venomous snake isn't likely to kill ya. But we got people dyin' here. The damn church is full; people think it's an act of God or the Devil.”

  “It could be a god, but I doubt it's Jehovah,” I said. “And it's definitely not Luke.”

  “Here's your chance, Snake-Boy,” Trevor said to Viper. “Go on, give us your expert opinion.”

  “Vervain made me a snake,” Viper huffed and shook his bangs out of his face. “And being one doesn't give me some cosmic insight into the habits of every reptile.”

  “Could it be something...”—I shrugged—“geographical and natural? Like a change in the weather causing the snakes to attack?”

  “We've brought in an expert and he's a smart one—got plenty of notches on his gun—but he's flummoxed.” Austin rubbed his face wearily. “And there's more. A buddy of mine nearly became a snake statistic tonight. He showed up here at 1 AM lookin' like someone shot his dog.”

  “Who the hell would shoot someone's dog?” Viper asked in horror.

  “It's an expression, honey,” I explained. “Like most of the things Austin says.”

  “Ha-ha,” Austin muttered.

  “Why?” Viper asked, aghast. “Why is it an expression?”

  “Because some people are just fuckin' mean and they shoot dogs,” Austin said with a grimace.

  “Someone should shoot them!” Viper declared. “Dogs are innocent creatures.”

  “Yes, babe, dog-abusers are bad, mean people who should be shot,” I agreed. “We'll talk about hunting them down later.”

  “Okay,” Viper muttered.

  “Maybe we could even get the Wild Hunt to come out of Faerie,” I offered as I pat his leg, and he cheered up. Then I returned my attention to Austin to ask, “What did your friend say when he showed up?”

  “He was scared, and this guy, he'd charge Hell with a bucket of ice water.” Austin shook his head. “Just rememberin' his face gives me the willies.”

  “Willies?” Viper asked.

  “Viper, hold your questions till the end,” Trevor growled.

  “Fine,” Viper huffed petulantly.

  “He was shakin' like a leaf in a thunderstorm,” Austin went on. “I brought him inside and poured him a whiskey. He finally told me this story that, honestly, I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't met y'all first.”

  “There are more things on Heaven and Earth.” I nodded.

  “No shit,” Austin muttered. “He said he was walkin' to his truck after leaving his girlfriend's house and he done heard someone walkin' up behind him. He said there was some'n about the footsteps that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.”

  “You mean, besides it being 1 AM and those footsteps coming from behind him?” Azrael asked.

  “Yeah, besides that.” Austin grimaced. “He pulled his gun before he spun around to face whoever was following him. But it wasn't a person. He said there was a huge snake right there on the sidewalk—a snake like none he ever seen before.”

  “Did it have any markings that he remembers?” I asked.

  “Yeah, here's where it gets stranger; he said it was green.” Austin shook his head. “We don't have green snakes in Texas. All kinds of neutral colors, but no green. The brightest snake round here is a kingsnake and it's not venomous.”

  “What did the green snake do?” Azrael asked.

  “It lifted up, nearly as tall as my buddy, and tried to bite him,” Austin said. “My friend shot the damn thing and here's the kicker. He said he only managed to clip it, but he hit it right below its jaw. The snake let out an awful shriek and fell back onto the sidewalk. Then it turned into a man—a naked man.”

  I leaned back heavily and shared a look with my men. “A snake-shifter.”

  Kirill nodded. “Did he kill naked man?”

  “I don't know. My friend ran away. After he told me his story, I drove out to where the incident occurred. I didn't find nuttin', not even a bloodstain, and my buddy said the guy was bleeding buckets.”

  “Was your friend drunk?” Viper asked.

  “Not when he arrived. He got there real fast though.” Austin sighed and ran a hand over his face again. “If his experience was all I had to go on, I might be thinkin' he got slipped somethin' or lost his damn mind. But combined with the other snake attacks, I'm not so sure. I reckoned I oughta call ya.”

  “It's good you did. This is sounding god-related,” I agreed. “Is there any particular area of Lexington where the snake attacks have been more prevalent?”

  “Nah, but they all happen late at night if that helps.”

  “At night?” Azrael asked, frowning.

  “What is it?” I cocked my head at him.

  “If I'm not mistaken, snakes are diurnal.”

  “According to the herpetologist, they—”

  “The herpes-what?” Viper asked with a chuckle.

  “Viper,” I said in my mommy tone as I shook my head at him. I looked back at Austin to add, “I'm sorry, he's still maturing.”

  Austin laughed. “It's all right, most of my friends are the same.” He held up his beer bottle and clicked it to Viper's. “There were all sorts of herpes jokes circling the precinct.”

  “Thanks, man.” Viper took a swig.

  “Anyhow, the herpetologist—that's the snake expert,” he said to Viper. “Don't worry, I didn't know what it meant either. It kinda makes me feel smart to say it now.”

  “The herpetologist said...?” I prompted.

  “He said rattlesnakes are mainly active during the day but there are other kinds of snakes who are nocturnal. A lot are active whenever they dang well want to be.”

  “So, we've got snake attacks at night and the snakes are not likely from this area,” I surmised. “Have you checked the other towns around here?”

  “I called Austin P.D. but they ain't got back to me yet.”

  “You called Austin?” Viper asked.

  “That's the nearest big city,” Austin explained.

  “Your name is Austin and you live near Austin?” Viper grinned.

  “Yeah, I already went over this with Vervain. It's old news, buddy. Move on.”

  Viper grimaced. “No fun.”

  “All right, well, first things first.” I looked around at my guys, then at Austin. “We need to see the place where your friend was attacked.”

  “I already told you, there weren't nuttin' there.”

  “First of all, that's a double negative,” I chided him. “Second, I don't need to see the blood to find it. All I have to do is sniff.”

  “Right,” Austin murmured. “I forgot about that. Ah'ite then, church is out.”

  “Can I ask now?” Viper asked Trevor.

  “I think he means it's time to go,” Trevor said.

  “I thought it was kinda appropriate.” Austin grinned as he got up.

  Chapter Three

  We piled into Austin's pickup truck, the guys climbing in back, looking like happy puppies. Once we got going, the imagery was heightened by the wind in their hair and the way they hung over the sides to feel more of it. I just shook my head and checked out the scenery—the dark didn't hinder my eyesight much. The landscape was nice enough if a little dry. Pretty obvious why there weren't any green snakes in Texas; they wouldn't blend in easily, especially if they were bright green. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of trees and stuff, it wasn't Arizona, it just leaned toward the drier end of the geographical spectrum.

  Austin drove us down a few quiet roads with very little traffic. We were out of the main part of town and there, the homes were more spread out—nothing like what you'd find in the suburbs of major cities. These were the wide-open spaces that country singers crooned about.

  “How many people live here?” I asked Austin.

  “A little over a thousand.”

  “That's all?” I gaped at him.

  “
Yeah, everybody knows everybody's business here.” He grinned at my shock. “But there's somethin' to be said for a small community. I lived in Austin awhile—didn't like it.”

  “Too weird for you?” I referenced the city's slogan.

  “Nah, the weirdness was good. It was just too cramped, ya know? Why live in the biggest state and then go and hunker down, all pressed together like that? I felt like a worm in a can, ready to be fished out and hooked.”

  “That was graphic.” I made a face at him.

  He chuckled. “The food was good though. Lots more places to eat. But I can always drive up there if I want. It's only like an hour away.”

  “An hour is a long time to drive for some food.”

  Austin shrugged. “Depends on the food, I s'pose.” He pulled over to park at the curb. “Here we are.”

  Everyone climbed out but my first breath sent me reeling backward. Trevor, Kirill, and Viper joined me in my revulsion. There were a lot of groans and wrinkled noses.

  “What is it?” Austin asked.

  “Bleach,” Azrael said as he frowned in concern and hurried over to me. “Carus, are you all right?”

  “Yeah, it's just strong.”

  Austin took a deep sniff. “Huh, I didn't even notice that but you're right, I smell it now too.”

  “Bleach is like shifter kryptonite,” Trevor explained through a pained expression. “It overpowers our senses and basically makes us nose blind for awhile.”

  “Whoever it was your friend shot, they really didn't want their blood found,” Azrael concluded.

  “Or zey didn't vant to be tracked,” Kirill argued.

  “By humans?” Azrael scoffed.

  “Humans have dogs,” Trevor reminded him.

  “True,” Az conceded. “And bleach would do the same to a dog.”

  “Let's go, it's starting to make me lightheaded.” I climbed back in the truck.

  If only we had Tlaloc's goggles. A goddess named Marzana had stolen them awhile back. Yes, the same goddess who Kirill killed and whose power he appropriated. Volos, her brother, had offered to search her home for the goggles but so far, he'd come up empty-handed.

  We drove back to Austin's house and had another meeting. While we were discussing possible snake-shifters, Austin received a phone call. He went into the dining room to take it and when he came back, his expression was grave.

  “Austin's got 'em too,” Austin announced.

  “Snake attacks?” I asked.

  Austin nodded as he resumed his seat. “Not only them. They said there have been attacks in San Antonio, Laredo, and several towns on the outskirts of those cities. They're scratchin' their heads like us. Snake attacks are rare in the cities—beyond rare—and they've had over twenty reported attacks last month. But get this, the attacks petered off and they haven't had any since.”

  “Since you started getting them?” Viper asked.

  “A couple weeks before us.” Austin shook his head. “But the towns between us have been hit.”

  “They're moving,” Azrael noted.

  “You got a map of Texas?” I asked him.

  “I got a cellphone.” Austin pulled his cellphone out and started typing. He laid it on the trunk/coffee table between us. “What are you lookin' for?”

  “You said that Austin, San Antonio, Laredo, and their surrounding towns have been attacked,” I murmured as I looked over the map. Then I grimaced and held the phone out to Austin. “What do you see, Lieutenant?”

  Austin frowned at it, then blinked. “It's a trail.”

  “Yes, and if we follow that trail backward?” I prompted.

  “Mexico,” he concluded. “They came up from Mexico.”

  “Does Mexico have green snakes?” I asked him.

  He snatched up the cellphone and started tapping on it again. “I don't know but I'm fixin' to find out.” He flicked a finger upward as he read, then leaned back in his seat with a heavy exhale and looked at my boyfriend. “Vipers. They got all kinds of colorful pit vipers.”

  “Hey!” Viper held up his hands in surrender. “I can't help the way I was made. It ain't easy being green, you know. I think there's even a song about it.”

  “The man your friend saw, what did he look like?” I couldn't believe I hadn't asked the question earlier. I mean, duh.

  Austin scowled. “You know what? I didn't ask him. I was so focused on the snake thing. Hold on.” He dialed, then held the phone to his ear. “Yeah, Vince, it's me. Sorry if I woke ya.” A pause. “No, not yet. Hey, what did that guy look like? Yeah, the naked one.” He grimaced, then snorted. “Yeah, I know, but do you—” His face fell. “Show 'nuff. I'll call ya.” He ended the call and met my stare. “Vince said the guy was Mexican.”

  “Time to call in the Squad,” I declared. “There's one man, in particular, who I think can help us.”

  “Torrent,” Viper concluded.

  I shook my head and shared a look with my husbands.

  “Blue,” Trevor growled.

  Chapter Four

  My men don't hate Blue, not anymore, but there's still some residual animosity over what he'd done to me before I used my love magic to help him let go of his wrath and heal his soul. Huitzilopochtli had once been on the other side of the God War, and he'd been damn good at his job. He'd also been absolutely looney tunes. But he's come a long way since then and even settled down with his old flame, Eztli, Goddess of the Blood Moon. They're both Aztec Gods but in different ways. Blue is from the Aztec Pantheon while Eztli was an Aztec who Blue had accidentally turned into a vampire—long story—and then had been made into a goddess. Still, they both might be able to help us.

  I wasn't ready to bring Austin to Pride Palace even though I was fairly certain that he was a good guy. I'd been certain about Sin and that had ended badly. Oh, and I don't mean sin the naughty behavior, I mean Sin the Babylonian God of the Moon. He'd screwed me over because he wanted to screw me. Yeah, it was all kinds of screwed up. Anyway, that situation had shown me that sometimes I trust too easily. And I was a mother now, I can't afford that risk. Besides, I didn't think Austin was ready for another trip through the Aether; his first experience had made him puke. So, I told him to get some sleep while we went back to the God Realm and met with our friends.

  We gathered in our usual spot—Pride Palace's dining hall. The place was big enough to hold all of my lions and only a few of them had joined us so the room was nearly empty. That being said, the God Squad had grown significantly from when I'd first become a member. It used to be just Thor, Pan, Horus, Mr. T, Mrs. E, Brahma, and Persephone. Finn, Teharon, and Hades joined us soon after. Then we picked up Morpheus, Teharon brought his girlfriend Karni Mata, Brahma reluctantly brought his wife Sarasvati, we kinda acquired Torrent, who brought in his girlfriend Artemis, and Horus brought Hekate, who he married. Oh, and let's not forget Blue. He was my contribution and Eztli was his.

  Huitzilopochtli (Blue's actual name), the Aztec God of Sun and War, sat beside his wife, Eztli, both of them looking magnificently exotic with their deep tans and glossy black hair. Eztli had crimson eyes—oddly enough, they were the color Blue's eyes used to be. After I released all of the badness inside Blue, his eyes had changed to jade-green and took him from creepy hot to smokin' hot.

  Blue shifted that beautiful stare toward me. “There are several snake gods in my pantheon, Vervain, but I can't imagine any of them attacking humans like this. What would be the point?”

  “Sacrifices?” I countered.

  “You can't make a sacrifice to yourself,” Blue said sternly. “You know that.”

  “No, but other gods have found ways around that,” I reminded him.

  “But if it's the snake god who's doing the killing, how can he get around it?”

  “Perhaps he's sacrificing people to another god,” I said with a look at Kirill.

  We'd gone on vacation in Russia and Latvia only to get entangled in a plot involving gods who were sacrificing people to other gods.

  “There
are Maya Gods too, V,” Torrent interrupted. His acid-green eyes moved as if he were reading something in the air before him. Torrent is the God of the Internet and as such, he can access it at any time, without the use of a computer. “There is Kukulkan—”

  Eztli inhaled sharply and Blue took her hand as if to comfort her.

  “What I say?” Torrent stopped reading to look over at Eztli. “Did I pronounce the name wrong?”