Dark Star Page 27

  “You use the ring to jump back and forth between the realms,” he whispered in revelation. “You cheat time.”

  I nodded. “And that way, none of you ever has to be separated from me for long. I can raise my children without them feeling my absence. I'll go to Faerie with Arach and my boys, stay awhile, and then return to this realm a few seconds after I leave it.”

  Viper smiled in relief. “I think I can handle being without you for a few seconds.”

  “Good. Because you're not the only one who has to say goodbye to her,” Trevor announced as he joined us on the balcony with Vero in his arms. “Her son has missed his mother.”

  “Just my son, eh?” I smirked at Trevor as I took Vero from him.

  The baby gurgled up at me and shook his fists as if he knew it was all my fault that I'd been gone so long.

  “Hey, now,” I chided softly as I nuzzled Vero's cheek. “I thought we discussed this? Mommy was sick but now, I'm better. Okay? Where's the happy baby I came home to yesterday?”

  Vero made a deep huffing sound and settled against my chest.

  “I'm going to feed Vero and then I'm going to see Toby. After that, I'll go with Arach to Faerie,” I said to the men as I headed into the stairwell on the right, through a door that led off from the balcony.

  Trevor followed me, but Viper stayed behind and let us have some time alone. I took that as a sign that Viper would do well with the others. In my family, gracious sharing and respect of other people's space are a priority.

  I went up to Vero's nursery, one floor above Lesya's. The nurseries were layered over the balcony, extending between the towers I'd made for my men. I went to sit in the rocker near the window, and Trevor joined me, taking the window bench. He watched avidly as I unbuttoned my blouse and set our son against my breast. When Vero latched on, Trevor sighed as if it were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

  “Are you all right, Honey-Eyes?” I asked with a frown.

  “I thought I had lost you, Minn Elska,” he murmured. “I thought that we had lost you. That Vero would never be held by his mother again.” He stroked Vero's thick, dark curls. “And then the children did what your husbands couldn't.”

  “My babies have a habit of saving me,” I said as I looked down at Vero adoringly.

  “It's Ull,” Trevor whispered. “He decided to save you, and he hasn't stopped. He just keeps saving you. Look at the way he defended you yesterday.”

  I blinked back the tears as I stared up at my wolf. “I know. I thought of that too. But Brevyn's not Ull anymore. Ull may have set himself up as my protector when he decided to save me, but when I put his soul into my body, he became my son. He's mine to protect now, not the other way around, and it's about time that we got that straight.”

  “Minn Elska, I didn't say that to suggest that you weren't being a good mother. I said it because I think it's time to stop fighting Brevyn's gifts. To stop fighting his soul. No, he's not Ull anymore, but that is Ull's soul in his body, and Brevyn is becoming a powerful young man. Trying to repress him because you think his power somehow steals his childhood is doing him a disservice, Vervain. Let the boy grow on his terms, in his own time.”

  “He's just a baby, Trevor,” I protested.

  “A baby who was smart enough to use his faerie essence to find his mother in the Dream Realm,” Trevor insisted. “Who told him how to do that, Minn Elska? No one. I assume that he heard about the Dream Realm from you, but you didn't teach him how to access it, did you?”

  “No,” I whispered.

  “Brevyn has knowledge that Ull didn't. I don't know if it's his premonitions or if it's his magic or even his fey essence, but Brevyn is wise beyond his years. Honestly, he made me feel a little inadequate.”

  “What? Why?” I gaped at him.

  “Because he saved you,” Trevor said. “He reached you and motivated you to fight when I couldn't.”

  “Trevor, he wasn't the only one who reached me.” I shifted Vero to my other breast and then leaned forward to take Trevor's hand. “The blood worked. I experienced your memories. I felt what you did. You haunted me; the real me. You sank beyond the evil and touched the good beneath. You kept me strong. Without that, I don't think I would have made it long enough for the children to reach me.”

  Trevor sighed deeply and squeezed my hand. “It was hell, Minn Elska.”

  “I know. As I mentioned; I experienced it.” I gave him a little smile.

  “You didn't see it all,” he said grimly. “You didn't see the violent arguments and the desperation. You didn't see the sleepless nights I spent trying to lose myself in the bottom of a bottle. It was torture, Minn Elska. I was so angry at the Wolf that I couldn't even shift and find relief in that.”

  “I'm so sorry, Honey-Eyes,” I whispered.

  “I would go through it a thousand times just to see you sitting here in front of me, nursing our son.” Trevor leaned forward and brushed a tender kiss across my lips.

  “How about we just never do that again?” I asked as he pulled away.

  Trevor chuckled softly. “It's a deal.”

  “And do me one more favor, Honey-Eyes.”

  He lifted a brow.

  “Forgive the Wolf,” I said gently. “I would have left either way, and he was right to protect Vero from me.”

  Trevor sighed deeply but didn't answer. He just lowered his stare to Vero. I let it go. I'd fought my internal battle, I couldn't fight his.

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  “Toby?” I shouted as I knocked on the front door of his villa.

  The Tuscan-inspired home looked a little strange within the arms of the forest, but Toby loved it and that's all that mattered. It was his first home; the first place he had lived in all by himself. His twin brother, Naye, lived in a cave high up on the mountain that loomed to my right. They had lived together before I came along. I hoped Naye was there now and not inside the villa with Toby. The last thing I needed was the Sun God adding his bad attitude to the mix.

  “Tobadzistsini, you open this door right now!” I slammed my fist on the door again. “I'm not leaving until you talk to me!”

  A barking came first, followed by heavy footsteps, and then the door opened inward. Eyes bloodshot and hair wild, Toby looked as if he'd spent the entire night drinking. Or crying. Or both.

  “Toby,” I whispered.

  “Go away, Vervain,” Toby said brokenly. “The least you can do is give me some peace.”

  “Toby, I didn't do this to hurt you. You knew there was a possibility that I might—” Doba jumped up on me excitedly. “Hey there, sweetheart.” I scratched her head as I looked up at Toby. “You knew there might be more men someday. This is how I live.”

  “Yes, Vervain, I know. I understand, but I've also realized that my parents were right.” Toby gently pulled Doba down. “I'm not mad at you anymore, Vervain, but I can't go back to you. I can't live like this.”

  “I thought you were okay with it?” I stuttered. “The lioness magic should have helped you. Maybe you need to spend the night with all of us again. Maybe—”

  “Vervain”—he grabbed my upper arms—“stop. I love you. I will always love you. But love isn't enough this time. I want more than you can give me and no spell is going to change that. If it did, it would be changing my free will, and I don't think you want that.”

  “No,” I whispered. “I don't want to force you. I just... we've been through so much, we fought so hard to be together and now, you just want to walk away?”

  “That's the problem.” Toby sighed. “Our fight never ended. It never will end. It's always something. Some god or spirit or even fate coming to mess with you. Someday, I may be able to fight at your side again, as your friend, but I can't right now. I need to move on and to do that, I need you to go away.”

  “You mean; you need to get over me,” I said dejectedly.

  “You gave me your blessing once, Love Goddess,” he said gently. “Do you remember what you said?”

 
; “That was a long time ago. Back when I thought you were lost to me.”

  “Do you remember, Vervain?” Toby asked again.

  “May you never have to look far for love,” my voice shook. “May it always find you.”

  Toby smiled, soft and sad, and then pulled me into a hug. “Love will find me again, I'm sure of it. Please let me go so I can recognize it when it arrives.”

  “Okay,” I whispered into his thick hair. “If that's what you want, I'll let you go. But you'll always have a piece of my heart.”

  “A piece isn't enough, Vervain.” Toby kissed my forehead and drew back, closing the door on me. Closing the door on us.

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  I couldn't go back to Pride Palace right away. Instead, I went to my house in Hawaii. I reformed inside my living room and instantly crumpled onto the couch to cry my eyes out. I hadn't mourned Toby because I had been so certain that I would get him back. There was no way that he'd leave me after everything we'd been through. But people surprise you. Those who you think you know best can turn around and do something that you would have thought was impossible for them to do.

  Well, if there's one thing I've learned in my life it's that nothing is impossible. Toby leaving me had just confirmed it.

  Oh, Vervain, I tried to warn you that you weren't meant to be with Toby, Al's voice slipped into my mind. It will be okay, sweetheart. You will get past this.

  “Hey, Al,” I sobbed the words.

  Hello, Vervain.

  “I thought I could make my own destiny,” I kept crying as I spoke, blathering pathetically. “I thought if I loved him enough, it wouldn't matter. I thought him returning to me was a sign.”

  Your destiny was lost and you may have been right. You might have had a chance with Toby, he admitted. But having no fate doesn't change who you are; who either of you are. I knew that Toby wasn't meant to be with you. He just isn't cut out for that kind of life. He's not strong enough for you, Vervain.

  “And I wouldn't listen to you,” I muttered. “I just had to have him.”

  You listened to your heart and that is never a bad thing, Al said gently. I would have spared you this pain but perhaps you needed to feel it. Your heart has grown complacent. Lazy. It needed to be broken so that it could rebuild itself and get strong again.

  “That's a bunch of bullshit,” I growled. “Breaking a heart doesn't make it stronger, it makes it cynical. It bruises it and scars it and rots it. My heart is all banged up, Al.”

  Your heart may be bruised for now but it will heal, and you will never be cynical. You're a mother now; you can't afford cynicism.

  I made a huffing sound and smiled through my tears. “How great are my kids, Al?”

  Pretty damn great, but then, I foretold that too.

  “Yeah, yeah; go ahead and gloat.”

  I was scared, Vervain.

  I went sober. “Me too, Al. When I was me, I was terrified.”

  We need to make sure that never happens again.

  “Agreed.”

  But the good news is; your fate is repairing itself.

  “What?” I sat up straight.

  Even while you were beyond its reach, it was still reaching for you.

  “Can you please stop speaking like an oracle and just give it to me straight.”

  Viper.

  “That wasn't straight! What about Viper?” My stomach clenched. “Are you saying that he isn't meant for me either?”

  No, Vervain, I'm saying the opposite. Viper has always been meant for you. He waited in the Void for so long because he was supposed to be... well, never mind that. His destiny changed when you went dark. You found him, Vervain. Cut off from fate and full of evil, you found the man who you were destined to love. You gravitated toward him instinctively, knowing that he would help you through the darkness. And you brought him to life years before he was meant to be with you.

  “What are you saying, Al?” I whispered.

  I'm saying that love found a way. Real love—the stuff that outlasts death—always finds a way. You broke the threads of Fate and love melded them back together for you. You formed a new destiny for yourself, Godhunter, and Viper forged it with you. He is absolutely meant to be with you. I give you my approval and blessing.

  I sobbed and bent over, covering my face with my hands.

  Vervain? Al's voice went worried. This is a good thing. I just told you that you were destined to be with Viper.

  “I know,” I said brokenly. “I'm happy. I am. I'm really happy.”

  You were scared, he whispered in shock.

  “Why does that surprise you?” I looked up as if he were sitting across from me. “I get scared. I get scared all the time.”

  Not like this, Al said gently. Not so scared that relief from it brings tears. You really love him.

  “Of course, I love him.” I sniffed. “I thought we already established that?”

  No, I mean; you love him as you love your husbands. You love Viper with a depth of emotion that shouldn't be in place yet. Regardless of destiny, love like that needs time to mature.

  “I touched his soul, Al,” I whispered. “I touched Viper's soul with mine.”

  Ah, he said gently. Of course. That explains it. There is no bond like that between touched souls.

  “It's... wondrous.”

  Viper is going to be wondrous too.

  “He already is,” I said firmly.

  Al laughed inside my head. Yes, but just you wait and see, Vervain. The Viper has forged a destiny for himself as well; a magnificent one. You chose well this time.

  “Thanks, Al. I needed to hear that.”

  Anytime, sweetheart. Now, go home and hug your family before you head to the Faerie Realm. You know Faerie's going to have a lot to say to you.

  “I can't wait.” I rolled my eyes.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  It was hard to say goodbye to Viper after Al's revelation. It was even harder not to blurt it out to everyone. But telling my husbands that Toby wasn't coming back was the hardest of all. They all nodded as if they'd been prepared for it, and I wondered if I had been the only one who hadn't known that Toby was unhappy.

  “Shall we, A Thaisce?” Arach asked after we'd made our goodbyes.

  We each held one of our boys; I had Rian and he had Brevyn. Arach lifted his free hand for mine. I took it, and we went into the tracing room together.

  “Bye, Lesya!” Rian called over my shoulder.

  “I love you, Sister!” Brevyn shouted right after.

  “Bye-bye, Brothers!” Lesya called merrily after them. “Goodbye Uncle Arach! See you soon, Mommy!”

  “I'll be back in just a few seconds, baby,” I promised.

  Then I traced to Faerie with my Fey family.

  We stepped out of the trunk of the Great Tree at the End of the Road and strode over to our royal coach. It waited behind a team of phookas, guarded by a regiment of red caps. The boys started calling out their hellos to the massive goblins while Arach and I smiled at the warm welcome the Red Caps gave all of us. And then, Faerie showed up.

  I cannot believe you! You are in big trouble, young lady!

  I rolled my eyes.

  “It wasn't my fault,” I grumbled.

  “Faerie?” Arach asked, and I nodded. “Perhaps you should have that conversation in your head, A Thaisce.” He looked pointedly at our sons.

  You tried to conquer the world!

  I nodded again at Arach while I helped Rian into the carriage. Arach set Brevyn inside and then climbed in after our sons, but I took a moment to mutter to the consciousness inside my head.

  I went bad; you know that. It's why I left in the first place.

  I should have kept you here. I should have—

  You couldn't have done anything, Faerie. I had to fight that battle on my own. I climbed into the carriage and gave my boys a fake smile.

  “Welcome home, Mother!” Brevyn declared.

  We were back to “mother” and that made me smile
in truth. It meant that Brevyn felt safe again and when Brevyn felt safe, so did Rian. So did I, for that matter. Rian looked from his brother to me and added his grin to the mix.